Yesterday three petty crows briefly took over the Market branch of the Toronto Public Library. They were there looking for free passes to the Ontario Science Centre.
“We want to see the bottom of the ocean in IMAX one last time.” The first crow said. He had on dark shades. A crow of mystery.
“Yeah, one last time before Doug Ford bulldozes the place for a high rise condo with a highway running through it.” A second crow added, trying not to get political. This one entered the library breathing fire from its mouth, but a coughing fit stopped his tirade short before any damage could be done.
“A highway with a condo running though it. Any day now...” Third crow added. This one had nothing special about it. It just looked mean.
“I see…” the librarian replied, briefly looking to the security guard sitting by the entrance who hadn’t moved from his chair. He was reading.
A crow is a formidable opponent. They are highly intelligent, but notoriously bad at planning. They hold on to grudges for years even decades at a time because people are always foiling their plans.
“I’m sorry but those passes are given out on the first of the month.” The librarian explained. It was the middle of July. “You have to sign up online for the random draw. It’s a lottery system.”
“A draw? The lottery? I thought it was first come first serve?” Shades crow asked. “We are first. There’s no one else in line.”
“That’s not how it works. You can use one of our computers over there to sign up. I can give you a code if you don’t have a library card.”
“No need.” The shades crow replied with irritation. All the computers in the adult and children’s sections were in use. He turned to his associates. “Foiled again. Let’s scram.”
“How many more branches are we going to visit today?” The mean looking one asked.
“As many as it takes.” Shades replied.
“I’m getting sick of this. We gotta let them know we were here.” The fire breather said, eyeing a plastic potted plant near the exit. However, several attempts to burn the plant led to an aggressive coughing fit, so the crow gave up on leaving its mark. His associates fared no better as they strained to flip the flower pot over.
“It’s bolted to the ground.” The security guard finally said before turning back to his newsletter.
And with that the feeble gang of crows left the library without passes to the Ontario Science Centre. This story is 100% true. I was there when it happened, checking out books on business.
