Nap Person

“ Just one more episode. It’s so good. I wish I could write like that…”

But u struggle to properly prioritize tasks. Case in point: the pharmacy closes in two hours for the long weekend so u should’ve called hours ago to see if u can pick up your prescription. And now look, nobody’s answering because they’re probably busy now filling orders before the close.

U put off doing things even when you know they’re important, man. “What if the pharmacy calls back too late?” U think. “You’ll have to wait til Monday and that same day you have to meet up with your relatives for family day. You’re going to be a distracted basket case without your medication and it’s not going to go well and it will be because you couldn’t wait to keep watching your show. Like it was going to expire or something.”

Still what’s done is done so u can’t really wait for them to call back. U have to go and hope that they call back while you’re on your way. But because you’re expecting their call now u can’t take the subway because if you’re in the tunnels you’ll miss the callback. See how putting things off has made your life so much more difficult? Make sure u dress warmly because there’s supposed to be a snowstorm out there…

There’s no snowstorm but it’s so cold that ur hands feel numb. But u can’t keep ur gloves on while being on ur phone because then the Apple ID won’t recognize ur gloved… shit. wtf! U were at 52% battery and it just crapped out in like 10 minutes what the fuck! Is it really that cold? Just stick it in your pocket and hope that it warms up. Now how the fuck are u supposed to get your call back?

Okay so u had the brightness setting turned up way too high so that’s why it died. Not too bright smh. But now u only have ten percent left so u’re going to have to force the issue and call again even though it’s been less than an hour since the first call. God, they’re going to think u’re like an agitated junkie hankering for a fix, which doesn’t help matters when the head lady already doesn’t like u… 

Seriously, voicemail again, what the fuck? Was there a stick up? 

Shit. Well since ur phone is gonna die anyway, u may as well take the subway now. It’s fucking cold as shit and ur hands hate you. U don’t have much on your card or the funds to reload it but there should still be enough left for a one way fare. It’s clear walking back will be better once u’ve gotten what your after. 

Geez, the fact that ur phone is basically dead makes staring at it to avoid eye contact with other passengers feel extra stupid. In fact, u’re not really in the mood for that bullshit anyway or pretending like you’re asleep. You’ll get off at the next stop and also just like fuck the subway. It stinks, figuratively and literally. U make eye contact with two strangers because u’re not sure which side the doors are gonna open on. They said on the right but that’s relative to where you’re sitting, no? U can’t see the arrows. These people are looking at you too.

but now one of them is going to turn to the other and pretend they have some pressing matter to discuss. (Note: u’re actually not as angry as the tone of this piece would suggest.) Stranger: “I haven’t been getting good sleep…” it seems so random yet the fact that the concept occurred to him after looking at u leads u to believe that he thinks you look tired. Is that how people really communicate what they’re thinking? Obliquely? Kind of annoying but maybe u only say that because u feel like u struggle to pick up the cues when it’s done. Although if it is in fact what was being done in this case then clearly that’s not the case. U pick up the cues just fine. Maybe u don’t often like what you hear. Or you’re just projecting. Weird. 

Just last week a pedestrian was struck at this intersection you’re about to cross. College and Bay. Heart of the city’s business country. Wouldn’t that suck if that happened to u a couple meters from ur… fuck. There are no lights on in the building… the pharmacy is closed til next Tuesday. Great. No one answered the phone or called u back because there was no one there. 

U should’ve taken the hint. Stayed inside where it was warm. Watched your show instead of listening to

fucking google and its unreliably generic info…

Instead listening to ur inner fear monger. To be fair, It’s intentions were good but the end result is now u have to walk home in the bitter cold with no phone and no medication. Being bad at prioritization could’ve worked in ur favour but Instead u censured and shamed yourself through hell to no real benenfit. Sad. 

Still with no phone u notice things. Like the police cars at damn near every intersection directing traffic. They even have a garbage truck blocking half a four lane street.

At first u suspect something (or someone) fell from above but moving closer it seems like it’s just snow and shit. The walk back felt long at first but in noticing things it starts to pass by decently. By the time u get down to Adelaide st. you’re thinking about the purpose of stories and feel somehow like u get that they’re supposed to be almost like a mnemonic device to help u store and recall important life lessons.

ur hands feel like they’ve been frost bitten and you’ve had ur fucking gloves on the whole way. U pass by the church, trying to get the circulation going in ur right hand. Some nearsighted white guy in a t-shirt sees ur behaviour and gives u a look as if to say “it’s not even that cold.”

In ur mind u tell him to fuck off because it’s ur fucking hand. “How are you telling me how cold it feels?” U think. I could make some forced parallel to writing good stories and how no one can give you advice on how to write stories that make you feel the way you want them to make you feel deep down inside. Like how it’s always this hyper-specific feeling you’re going for that is difficult to put into words, but you try anyway…

U get home and feel decently fine. It’s been a good day. U don’t feel super distracted, and u warm up from outside in short order. Except remembering the overheard subway conversation u soon realize that u do in fact feel really tired. But u’re not a nap person…

Still if stories are also about change, and this is a story, then maybe the story is about how u learned to start taking naps. So u turnoff the lights in ur bedroom and lay down with a hand between ur legs because apparently that eases tension in the spine and helps with sleep… But after about 10 to 15 minutes u accept that you’re still not a napper, so maybe the story is about trying new things or something. Hard to say. Sometimes it’s not clear what a story is about or why u are telling it. Still u also notice that u do kind of like not being glued to ur phone so u decide to let it charge in ur bedroom while u head back to watch the final two episodes of the show u were watching. 

But before doing so u sketch out the broad strokes of the experience u just had: what you were thinking, how you felt at critical junctures etc. Maybe later you can use the details later to write a story that holds your attention like the show you’ve been watching, because why is being you not enough to hold somebody’s attention?